


And The Bad Dreams Lead Me to Calling You

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-05
Updated: 2006-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "When I'm with you the nightmares don't usually come."





	And The Bad Dreams Lead Me to Calling You

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This is part of The Introduction universe. It's for Gracie because she is always stoked about the stories. The title comes from the Rilo Kiley song Portions for Foxes.  


* * *

OXFORD, 1984

CJ lay in bed staring at the ceiling. The rain beat on her window and a shiver went through her every time she heard the thunder. Larry offered to let her stay with him tonight; knew she didn’t like thunderstorms. It was not a good idea. CJ really liked Larry…in another life it was probably meant to be. He was kind, attentive, intelligent, and just goofy enough to make her laugh. It never failed. That was why she did not intend to hurt him. Nothing happened between them but Larry did his best to keep his name in the game. He would always be there when she needed someone and lately she liked it when it was just the two of them.

Tonight they hung out at his place, she, Larry, Josh, and Donna. They smoked a bong, Donna wasn’t allowed; drank beer, CJ let Donna have one; and talked about music and movies. The storm came out of nowhere. Josh offered Donna his couch down the street, which she readily agreed to. It was better than trying to get a cab to drive eight miles in this weather back to her parent’s rented house. CJ thought it might be better if the 15 year old stayed with her but she knew Josh would never try anything like that. Larry offered CJ his bed when they were alone in the kitchen.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” He said.

“I just want to go home tonight.”

“Are you sure? I won't try anything and Ed will be back. I know you don’t like this weather.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be OK. I want to sleep in tomorrow and you have that 8 o’clock class.”

“Don’t remind me. Peyton Cabot Harrison III and his neverending droning about the Magna Carta. McGarry is less annoying. Let me at least walk you home.”

He did, and they shared a sweet goodnight kiss. CJ couldn’t help it. She wished it was Larry; wished it was easy. The phone rang, jarring her thoughts and piercing the silence. She grabbed it quickly. Larry was probably checking up on her…he was so adorable in that way.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Suddenly she had to struggle for breath.

“Did I wake you?” Leo McGarry asked.

“No.”

“What aren’t you sleeping?”

“Are you trying to wake me?”

“I don’t need anymore reasons for you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Leo; don't say that.” she was actually madly in love.

“I haven’t seen you in over a week.” He said.

“I was in class this morning.” CJ countered.

“Sitting in the back; not involved in the discussion. You didn't say hello or goodbye. You rushed out with the kid who hangs with Josh.”

“His name is Larry and what is your point?”

“Is he your boyfriend now?”

“The answer is inconsequential. What are you doing up at this hour?”

“I miss you. I don’t know what I did this time to drive you away, but I miss you Claudia Jean.”

“You didn’t…” she sucked in the tears, trying to swallow. It was hard to breathe and her throat felt raw.

“Hello? CJ, are you still there?”

“I'm here. You didn’t do anything OK?”

“It’s not OK. Why are you running away from me?”

Because I love you dammit! Of course, she only screamed that in her mind, the room remained silent. She loved him and he was going to hurt her. She loved him and she refused to watch him kill himself with very expensive scotch.

“I don’t want to have this conversation.” She said. “It’s late and I am tired. What are you doing awake at this hour?”

“Nightmares.”

“What are they about?”

“You don’t need to hear about that. I want you to be able to sleep at night.”

“What are you going to do?”

She knew what he was going to do. He would drink a few glasses of scotch to make him drowsy. If that didn’t work, he would take the tiny white pills he thought she didn’t notice to make his sleep black and dreamless.

“I just wanted to hear your voice.” He said. “It soothes me; thought it could drive the demons away. When I'm with you the nightmares don’t usually come.”

CJ did not need that responsibility. Leo had so many demons and she could not possibly slay them all. She hadn’t the strength. They were quiet for a while…listening to each other breathe.

“Come over Leo.”

“Are you sure?” there was a hope in his voice that he didn’t want there. He wanted so much to be close to her. Sometimes Leo was so angry at her for making him feel things he had not in too long to remember. He was angry at himself for bringing her into his world. “I never want you to feel…”

“Please. I want you here with me tonight.”

“I'm on my way baby.”

“OK. Bye.”

CJ quietly hung up the phone, reaching to wipe the stray tears from her eyes. Every time she ran from him, they always ended up right back here. A week here, a few days there, it wasn’t worth fighting anymore. Toby called Oxford a fantasyland. If that were true then CJ and Leo could be together. She didn’t have to run, hide, and fight her feelings…real life would handle the hard things for her. Even if she didn’t completely believe it. Soon, she would be back at Berkeley, getting her Masters in Public Relations and Leo McGarry would be a figment of her imagination. Perhaps even a fond memory.

She climbed out of bed, walking barefoot across the squeaky hardwood floor. Thunder boomed across the sky and CJ jumped. She was shaking as she lit a cigarette and sat on the couch to wait for him. The Marlboro Light had not burnt out when he knocked on her door. Only a drive could have gotten him there so quickly. CJ hoped he was not drunk.

“Hey.” She opened the door.

“Hi baby.”

They were both quiet as he walked in. CJ reached for his hand; Leo pulled her into a passionate kiss. Her body melted against his and they kissed for what seemed like forever in the middle of her floor. In the bedroom, CJ undressed him and held him in her arms.

“Did you drive here?” she asked.

“The storm is bad but it didn’t take too long.”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Earlier.” He replied, lifting her tee shirt to touch her stomach.

CJ sighed; she loved the feeling of his hands on her skin.

“Leo, tell me what your nightmares are about.”

“Vietnam.”

“You're a vet?”

She turned on her side so she could see his face in the darkness. His beautiful face, every moment of pain, sorrow, joy and triumph etched there for eternity. With piercing hazel eyes that concealed and revealed everything in a blink. Leo couldn’t help but stroke her cheek. Her skin was so soft, young, and supple. She had seen nothing, but somehow she knew it all. CJ Cregg had been here before.

“I flew a plane and dropped bombs. It is a time in my life I don’t like to discuss much.”

“It haunts you.”

“When you get older CJ, you'll see that so much haunts you. Why don’t you like thunderstorms?”

“I don’t know.”

She was not being truthful. But Leo didn’t dare push. The young woman was a complete mystery to him; he wanted to discover all her secrets and all her hiding places. He didn’t have that kind of time but he had tonight.

“I'm glad you're here.” She said.

“Me too baby.”

His kisses were soft and passionate; CJ moaned against him as she stroked his back. In his arms, the thunder was gone. Pulling him closer, she threw one of her long legs over him.

“I want you so much CJ.” he murmured against her neck. “All the time; every minute.”

“I know.” Her hand found his erection. “Me too.”

“Tonight my urge to hold you is stronger.” 

“It is?”

“Yeah.” He laughed a bit at the disappointment in her voice. “Without the shirt though.”

CJ was happy to comply, lifting the shirt over her head with a smile on her face. Leo smiled too, as his hands moved around her waist and slid her panties down her legs. 

“Looks as if your urges changed Leo.”

“No, I just love to feel your body close to mine.”

They spooned in the bed, watching the lightning streak across the window.

‘The night my mother died there was a bad thunderstorm. The power went out and I clutched the Teddy bear she made for me…I knew something bad was happening.”

“How old were you?” Leo asked.

“Ten. Before that night, she would always make me feel better during storms, even when she was really sick. I was never more alone in my life than that night.”

“My father died when I was about that age.”

“Was he sick?”

“He committed suicide. One night he was piss drunk, had a horrible fight with my mother, and put a gun under his chin.”

CJ did not say she was sorry; it wouldn’t matter anyway. She just held his hands to her lips and kissed them. There were many things that haunted them.

“Is that why you drink? Because of your father and the nightmares?”

“Saying yes would be the easy answer.”

“What makes you feel better other than that?”

“I don't know. Finding an outlet for what is inside me would probably be a good thing.”

“I thought about therapy. My friend Kate was all into psychoanalysis, especially after we saw Manhattan too many times to count. She says everyone should spend at least one year of their life in analysis. It cleanses the soul.”

“I thought that was religion.” Leo replied.

“Do you believe in God?”

“Not today.”

“Then that won't help you very much. I will probably end up on someone’s couch eventually.”

“Hey, don’t ever let anyone convince you that something is wrong with you Claudia Jean. You are just fine.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I don’t. We all have things that…” he took a deep breath. “There is nothing the matter with you.”

Leo snuggled closer and CJ smiled.

“Hey Leo?”

“Hmm?”

“We are going to have to do something about your buddy there. I don’t think I can sleep with him poking me in my ass all night.”

“Would it horribly unfair if I asked you to put it in your mouth sweetheart?”

“Yes, but it would make you like most men.”

“I have a way to make it good for you too.” He kissed the special spot behind her ear, sending her into orbit. It amazed her that he could make her body react as he did.

“How can it be good for me too?” she asked.

“There is a position…”

CJ knew it well, almost as a legend. But tonight she had her first 69 experience and it was the best thing she ever felt in her life. No man, including Leo, had ever touched her there with his mouth and made her cry out the way she did on the squeaky bed in her crappy flat. His mouth, his tongue, his fingers…her mouth, her tongue, her hands…they shouted each other’s names and CJ fell over on the mattress. Her long legs were still tangled around Leo’s neck and she gently bit his thighs as she slowly sailed back to reality.

“That should take care of that.” she whispered.

She moved on the bed and Leo held her closer and tighter. He knew she was tired now.

“Get some sleep Claudia Jean.” He said, kissing her hair and feeling her body relax even more.

“You too Leo. Isn’t that what you're here for?”

“I'm here to be close to you.”

He doubted he would get much sleep tonight, though the chances were better with her in his arms. Stroking her back until she was asleep, Leo laid still and quiet. He listened to the storm raging outside the window. For now, it gave him peace. She gave him peace.

***


End file.
